Sins at the Beach
by Pairing-Nazi
Summary: What happens when Envy, Lust, Gluttony, Wrath, and Greed go to the beach? Complete and utter caios. Spelling isn't very good. read and review please! AU DISCONTINUED I have awful Writers Block. Sorry.
1. Chapter 1

Sins at the Beach

ch 1.

"And why did Pride and Sloth get to stay behind?"

"Because they have a… LIFE outside in the REAL world!"

"Real, real."

"But why Sloth? She's the only thing that Wrath listens to."

"What Dante says, is steel. Your words Envy."

"Don't make me come over there!"

The group of five people was a strange group indeed. Everyone in the train car was staring at them. They were a strange combination.

The youngest was a boy, his left arm and right leg were different from the rest of his body. The most obvious difference from the others was the color of the skin, but if you looked closely you could see the limbs were slightly larger that his other limbs. His black hair was long, and looked a little messy, and he wore tight shorts and a baggy shirt that looked like it was made for a woman. He was known as Wrath.

There was also the most mixed up couple ever to be seen. The woman was probably more beautiful then Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Long, luscious, and wavy black hair framed her perfect face, and her body wasn't too bad looking either. And right on the center of her chest was a tattoo of a serpent devouring its tail. She wore a dress that showed a deal of cleavage. The man sitting at her side was short, fat, bald, none to smart looking, and wore a black outfit that clung to his body. How he got to hang around such a lovely woman was beyond anyone. They were called Lust and Gluttony.

The oldest looking one was down right hot to the young ladies in the car. A handsome pointed face, leather pants, and sunglasses gave a look that could make even the most aloof woman go gaga. To the men, he was just a pimp, only he wasn'n. He loved all women but only one had a special place in his heart, and that was the snake chimera, Martel. He would never admit that. He was known as Greed.

The last of them was a man that looked about eighteen. Cute and lean, he was the man that gave meaning to the fraise 'eye candy.' His body looked as if he didn't have an ounce of fat on him, and his hair was long and green and was held up with a bandana. He was Envy.

These five people had a secret. They were Homunculi, or beings that were made by alchemy. Every one of them had an ability to do something no human could ever do. Wrath could combine anything with his body, thanks to the arm and leg he had acquired from Edward Elric, also known as the Fullmetal Alchemist who could do alchemy magic. Lust could grow her nails to use as a weapon that could cut through rock. Gluttony could eat anything and everything. Greed could make his skin turn into a diamond-like and impenetrable shield. Envy could change his appearance.

And why were they on the train? Dante of course. She wanted some "alone" time. So she ordered them to go to the beach. Greed on the other hand was on the train to meet his friends Martel, Dorochet, Law, and maybe Kimbley, if he wasn't to busy blowing things up.

"Why is it always the beach?" Envy groaned, "Why not a meadow or somethin'?"

"What's the beach like?" Wrath asked while jumping on one of the seats.

"So many things to chew on." Gluttony sighed.

"Yes, Gluttony." Lust said, patting her partner on the head, "Just don't eat any people this time."

"That doesn't answer my question!" Wrath snapped.

"You want to know?" Greed asked, "There's sand, and lots of it. Water, but never drink it, Gluttony learned that the hard way. And my favorite, babes."

"Our stop's coming up." Lust said while lifting a bag on to her lap, "O.K, Envy here's your wet suit, the water is going to be warm so I brought the one for warm water."

"I thought I killed that thing."

"Here's your swim suit Gluttony." Lust said pulling out an old fashioned suit, "And don't eat it."

Gluttony took the suit into his hands while chanting ; "Don't eat it."

"And Wrath, here's yours. Sloth also wanted me to give you this note." Lust finished, handing Wrath a pair of swim trunks and a note.

Wrath snatched the note and read it.

"Mommy says I have to listen to you Lust." Wrath said, "And that I can't hurt anyone, no matter who they are."

The rest of the trip was left in scilence, they then hopped off only to find that... The entire military was having a beach party.

"Does anyone get the feeling that Dante sent us here to die?" Envy asked.

"It's your day off so to say." Greed said, "So take it easy. I'm of to find the others, and knowing Kimbley he's probable blowing up sand castels that kids worked so hard to build. See ya."

To be continued...

As a side note praticly every character will be in this story. Including Hughes!


	2. Chapter 2

Parings

Roy/Riza: some what romantic

Ed/Al/Hoenhime: family

Ed/Al:brother pairing

Ed/Winry: friend, slightly romantic

Lust/Gluttony: nonromantic

Greed/Martel: becomes romantic as the story goes on

Gracia/Maes: romantic

Elicia/Maes: father and daughter paring

Bradley/Selim: father son

Izumi/Sig: romantic

Izumi/Wrath: mother and son paring

Maria/Denny: friend paring

Havoc/Breda/Vato/Kain: friend paring

Everyone else such as Scar, Envy, Armstrong, Kimbley, Dorochet, Loa, Slicer, and Barry are all alone. Slicer and Barry are in here for kicks.

ch. 2.

"Big brother!" Alphonse yelled, "I sunk in the sand again!"

"Al, why must you hang at the dunes?" Edward sighed while digging his younger brother out of the sand.

The answer made its presence known.

"Meoooow"

"God damn it Al! You picked up another cat!"

"But Ed, the poor thing had fishing line around its foot." Al said defensively, "I was going to take it to a vet."

"And then your going to ask me if you can keep it right?"

"It has a collar!"

"Would you stop yelling?" Izumi snapped, "Can't I get a moments peace- Blarg." Up came a pool of blood.

"Dear, your far to stressed." Sig, who was Izumi's husband said, "Here are your pills."

Soon they were having one of their mushy moments that didn't fit them very well, appearance wise anyway.

"Come on Al, Let's go find Winry."

"I think she's building a sand castle with Elicia." Al said.

Winry was in fact building a sandcastle.

"A flag!" Elicia said happily.

"Okay then, good thing I brought some." Winry said with a smile.

Sadly the flag would never be seen on the castle.

"Finally you finished!" Kimbley yelled, running over, "Say your good byes!"

With a single touch the castle went kablooy.

"Hey!" Winry yelled while standing up, "We worked hard on that!"

"You think I care?"

"You will care when I'm through with you!"

Winry soon had a wrench in her hand and went onto beat the crap out of Kimbley.

"Dorochet, I thought I told you to keep an eye on Kimbley." Loa sighed.

"He freaks me out!" Dorochet barked, "Can you blame me?"

"Look at him being beaten by that girl." Martel said, "He so disserves it. The freak."

"What cha looking at?"

The three chimera jumped five feet in the air.

"Damn it Greed!" Martel sreamed in Greed's face, "You could have killed me!"

Greed's face showed worry for a split second, then it went back to his normal care free look.

"Your in such good health Martel, so I highly doubt it."

"Why you..." Martel started, but she then sighed in defeat.

"And I see your wearing the swim suit I got you for your birthday." Geed added happily, flashing a toothy smile.

Martel's face went scarlet.

"**_GREED YOU SUCK!_**" Martel yelled.

"Will someone save me from this woman?" Kimbley yelled.

"The Crimsion Alchemist is asking for a savior from a little girl!" Roy laughed.

"Shut it Mustange!"

"Realy Colonel," Riza said, "Don't get into trouble, it's my day off."

"This form ofasisting in beating up the bad guyhas been passed down in the Armstrong family for generations!" Armstrong yelled, joining Winry in the torture of Kimbley.

Envy snorted, what idiots. How Pride and Sloth could stand these humans was beyond him. Come to think of it, was that Pride building a sand castle?

"Look at how big it is father!" Selim said with pride.

"Yes, it's very nice." Bradley said with a kind smile, "You'd make a fine archutect. We must take a picture so your mother will see it."

"I wan't to become Furher, just like you!"

Envy gagged.

"I knew letting him get married was a bad idea." he sighed.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Havoc hits on Lust. Greed saves Martel. And all the big guys enter in a weight lifting contest!

ch 3.

Lust stepped out of the ladies room wearing a bikini, and tied around her waist was a shawl.

"Gluttony." she called, "Are you dressed?"

"Dressed dressed." Gluttony chimed, walking out of the men's room.

"Good, it's not inside out or backwards." Lust said with a smile.

Lust then turned and went to find a good spot to sit down.

The truth was Lust did not like the beach all that much. Men would ogle her and try to get her to come and sit with them, show off, and make rude remarks about Gluttony. They would bully him if she left to get him some food. They would tell him that he was not good enough for her, but Gluttony would be oblivious to their words, mostly because his mind would be of some where else. But when they bullied him physically, he would come back to the real world and whine and whimper, asking where she was to no one. But he was well looked after, the last man whom had hurt Gluttony enough that he stared to cry was found washed up on the beach dead as a door nail, having been stabbed five thousand times.

"Where do you want to sit Gluttony?" Lust asked her search for the perfect spot unsuccessful.

"How bout... there?" Gluttony said while pointing to a sunny spot.

"Gluttony, there's a dead seal there."

"Can I eat it?"

"Sure, and when you do I'll sit there."

There was a small problem with him eating to five day old carcass. It was not about him getting sick, the problem was him being seen eating the five day old carcass. Eating something like that would normally kill a human. But lust's concerns were short lived, for Gluttony ate the seal.

"Why do I even bother to worry?" Lust sighed.

Right after Lust lade out her towel and sat down she was soon being hit on.

"Hey there." Havoc said, his cigarette glowing, "Mind if I join you?"

"Yes." Lust snapped, "And if you can't tell, I'm with someone."

"Who the fat guy?"

"The last man who called him that," Lust said, extending her nails, "was found dead."

"What's the reason?" Havoc asked, completely unfazed.

"I don't like men who smoke." Lust replied, "And I have no sex drive what so ever."

"That's sad."

"You have no idea." Lust sighed, "It's hard because I am named after the sin lust, and so I don't live up to my name."

"Who in the world would name their kid Lust?"

"Leave before I tell my friend to eat you."

Havoc ran like he never had before.

The Devil's Nest crew was having fun at the water's edge.

"Dorochet!" Greed yelled, waving a stick, "Fetch!"

"Get the **_STICK!_**" Dorochet yelled running after the peace of drift wood.

"Ha ah ha! Dude Greed that was too good!" Kimbley howled in laughter.

Dorochet came back looking pissed.

"Not cool, soo not cool." Dorochet snarled taking out his sword, "I don't care even if you're the mega shield Greed! I'll hack you to bits!"

Martel and Loa were looking for crabs. But they knew that Greed would torment Dorochet in that cruel way, so they weren't missing much.

"You think Greed would like to try some crab?" Martel asked extending her arm to snatch a large crab out of the water.

"As long as Dorochet doesn't cook it, sure." Loa replied.

"Ow!" Martel hiss, "Damn crab."

"You okay?"

"Yea." Martel said, "Damn thing won't get off."

Martel's eyes started to water in pain. And she began to hyperventilate.

"Get off." Martel whimpered, waving her hand around, "**_GET OFF!_**"

Right when her voice razed to a yell, Greed came running.

"Get off of her you damn arthropod!" he snapped, his hands turning blue, a sign that he was letting his diamond like skin cover them.

And with one twitch of his hand the crab became Greed toe jam.

"Are you okay Martel?" Greed asked.

"Yea, but my hand hurts a bit."

Greed lifted her hand to his face and, kissed it.

Loa grabbed Dorochet and dragged him off, and Kimbley snorted and walked away, talking about how disgusting all that mushy stuff was.

"Does it feel better?"

"It was the other hand, Greed." Martel said with a blush creeping over her face, "The one with blood and crab guts on it."

Greed smiled again and kissed the other hand.

While Greed and Martel were making cow eyes at each other, Izumi and Sig were checking out a flyer.

"A weight lifting contest." Izumi said, she then smacked Sig on the shoulder,"You could win that!"

Armstrong appeared in all his sparkly glory.

"The Armstrong family has been entering contests that involved showing of body strength for generations!" he yelled flexing his muscles.

Dorochet and Loa, who were walking by stopped to check it out.

"You chould beat these light weights, Loa." Dorochet said.

It was settled. Sig, Armstrong, and Loa entered.

To be continued...

Time to vote! Who do you want to win? Loa, Armstrong, or Sig? Or maybe someone else.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay! Let's get ready to rumble! And we have a winner! Oh I was joking when I put Roy on the list. Hoenhiem makes an entrance.

ch. 4

Hughes stood on a platform, looking over the crowed.

"Hello everyone!" he yelled striking a pose, "Welcome to this years weight lifting competition! But before we get going, I'd like you all to see something."

"Oh god, no." Roy sighed, turning and resting his head on Riza's shoulder, "Why does his wife let him get a hold of a damn camera?"

"There, there sir." Riza sighed patting Roy on the head.

"Look at the latest picture of my daughter!" Hughes yelled, "See? She's helping Winry and Armstrong beat up Kimbley!"

The crowd was silent save for Greed, whom was laughing his ass off.

Then, the uproar hit.

"We don't care about your daughter!"

"Yea! Get on with the stupid competition!"

"Go into a telephone booth and die!" Kimbley bellowed (I have no f----ing idea why I put that there. Please don kill meh!).

"O.k., here are the contestants:

Alex Armstrong! (scattered applause)  
Loa! (cheering from Greed and the chimeras)  
Sig Curtis! (only Izumi)  
Hymans Breda! (moderate cheering)  
Number 66? (The Slicer Brothers howl)  
Envy!"

**_"MAKE THEM ENVY YOU, ENVY!"_** all the homunculi yelled, except for Greed and Bradley a.k.a Pride.

"King Bradley!" Hughes continued.

"Go Papa, go!" Selim yelled.

"And our smallest competitor--"

"**_WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BREAD CRUM THAT'S SO SMALL THAT NOT EVEN AN ANT COULD EAT IT?_**"

"Well no introduction is needed there."

"But brother," Al said to the fuming Edward, "You couldn't possibly win! You need to bench eight hundred pounds!"

Winry threw a fit.

"Edward! You'll be needing auto mail for your other arm if you do this!"

"I can't hear you Winry!" Ed said loudly.

"Here are the rules!" Hughes yelled, "In order to win you need to hold the weights for one minute.If you drop the weights, fail to lift them in forty-five seconds, or simply fall over you will be disqualified! Begin!

Everyone lifted the weights, well barely anyone did.

Envy's wouldn't budge. He turned into everything he could think of, even a dragon! Forty-five seconds passed.

"I can pick Gluttony up for peats sake!"

"Disqualified!"

Barry's arms broke off.

"What the?" Barry gasped, "I've lifted nine hundred before!"

"Disqualified!"

Sig, Armstrong, and Loa fell over.

"That's strange." Armstrong said, "It was like one side was lighter then the other."

"Disqualified!"

And Bradley and Breda, well theirs just snapped in two.

"Disqualified!"

And Edward, well he picked it up.

"Edward Elric is the winner!" Hughes yelled, "Who could haveguessed that?"

"Al," Winry asked, "how did he do that?"

"He used alchemy to make his weights lighter and to sabotage the others." Al said simply.

"That's cheating!"

"I can't hear a word you two are saying!" Ed said loudly.

"**_WELL YOU BETTER HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!_**" Izumi yelled stomping over, "**_I SAW WHAT YOU DID EDWARD! HAVE YOU DROPPED EVERYTHING I HAVE TOUGHT YOU?_**"

"Eep!" Ed squeaked, turning around and running away.

But Greed and Envy stood in his way.

"And where are you going?" they asked in unision.

Well, need I explain what happens to Edward? After Edward got the crap beaten out of him he was burried in the sand.

"Well Ed, I would have though that me and your mother rased you better than this."

"You were never even there old man!"

Hoenhiem ruffled Ed's hair.

"Don't make me kick you!" Ed yelled.

"Well, judging how deeply burried you are I highly dought it."

"I hate you."

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Greed expresses his thoughts on Dante and Envy. The Slicer Brothers get into a fight. And Scar appears.

Warning: Greed breaks in to song. X3 And rating changes for this chapter.

D.N: Songs mentioned have been changed to fit the characters. Don't flame or report this story for the song that is for Envy. This idea is not mine, Fullmetalcan on youtube. com thought this all up and even made a "Fullmetal Alchemist Theme Songs" series.

ch 5.

Greed sighed. His care free smile plastered onto his face.

"Freedom is wonderful." he sighed.

"Who knows how long your freedom will last." Envy taunted, "Dante will want the homunculus of her late husband back."

"Oh so the stupid whore didn't get remarried." Greed hissed.

"From what I can remember you were nuts about her." Envy said lightly.

Greed gritted his teeth, but his rage was then masked with a smug expression.

"I was stupid." he said with a laugh, "And human. But you know what? I feel differently now."

"And how do you feel different?" Envy asked

"Let me show you, with a song." Greed said while standing up, "Hey! Hughes!"

"Yea?"

"You still got that microphone?"

"Yup!" Hughes replied, "On the platform!"

With in moments Greed was on the platform, the mike in hand. He then took a deep breath and began to sing.

"D! A! N! T! E! The sound of her name makes the little kids cry! Oh--! Hey Dante your oh so icky, just the of being around you makes me oh so sicky! Hey Dante won't you please explain why you take so much enjoyment out of causing people pain! OH oh oh! A chick that's just plain mean, seven hundred years beyond her sweet sixteen! She's just a fire breathing dragon with a rotting body and a sick sick dream! Eww--!"

It went like that for a while. Izumi looked ready to kill, Hoenhiem was laughing his ass off, Lust was grinning like crazy while rubbing Gluttony's head, and Envy was singing along.

"And I want to express my thought on a certain homunculus named Envy." Greed said with an evil sneer.

Greed cleared his throat, and took another deep breath.

"She's part girl, she's part boy. She's got parts every one can enjoy. She's got more, she's got less. She's got her manhood tucked in her dress! Is she a mister or is she a miss? Does she stand up when she takes a piss? She's our little girl, yea she's our little guy. When someone tries to please her, they get poked in the eye!"

Silence. Then it was broken.

"Dude!" Wrath yelled, "You just got your ass handed to you Envy!"

"You're a genius Greed!" Ed yelled.

"Envy's a he she!" Gluttony squealed.

"Sing a song that fits me!" Barry yelled.

"Barry, you know the song 'I Feel Pretty' fits you." the older of the Slicer brothers said.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty!" Barry sang while twirling around, "I feel pretty and witty and **gay**!"

"No big brother." the younger brother said, "It would be that lumberjack song from Monty Python."

"I Feel Pretty!"

"Lumberjack!"

"I Feel Pretty!"

"You're getting me angry!"

Soon the older brother, whom was the helmet, was on the ground being stomped on by the younger brother.

"Take that!"

"Ow! My head!"

During all the chaos, Scar had come to the beach.

"What in the name of Ishbala is happening?" he asked.

"Why if it isn't that stinking Ishbalen whose father I blew up." Kimbley said.

"It's my day off." Scar said angrily.

"Well it's not mine!" Kimbley ran forward but only took two steps before Loa grabbed him.

"O.k. Kimbley, Greed's gonna need our help." he said, "Envy's saying that he's gonna kill him."

"I will get you!" Kimbley yelled.

To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

So sorry, having writers block, and working on a FMA comic. It's on my DA site. There's a link on my profile if you want to see it.

ch 5.

Wrath was passing his time by bouncing on Gluttony while Lust was away. She always got so mad with him when she caught him doing that.

"What are you doing?" Izumi asked harshly.

Wrath stopped and looked over at the beautiful, yet deadly woman.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, venom lacing his words.

"I was invited by my idiotic student." Izumi replied, her eyes sad.

"**_WRATH STOP JUMPING ON GLUTTONY NOW!_**" Lust yelled, storming back.

"Yes ma'am." Wrath said.

"Aren't you the woman who made this brat?" Lust asked, sounding hopeful.

A pulse mark appeared on Izumi's head.

"Yes," she gritted out, "I am."

"Wrath." Lust said.

"Yea?"

"I am ordering you to go with this lady and to listen to her."

Wrath gaped.

"But, but I don't wan'na!" he wailed, stomping on Gluttony's stomach hard enough to wake him.

"Lust!" Gluttony cried, "He's hurting me!"

"Your 'Mommy' said you had to listen to my every word." Lust said annoyance evident in her tone.

"Oh... Fine!"

Lust then turned to Izumi with a big smile on her face.

"He's all yours."

Izumi looked somewhat shocked, but the look soon vanished and she walked up to Wrath, took his hand and led him away.

"Now behave, and be nice my child." Izumi said softly, "And none of that 'I'll take the rest of your body and become human' stuff with Edward."

Wrath only replied with a long string of grumbles.

"How about I make sand castels and you can destroy them?" Izumi asked, taking into consideration that it might help his anger.

Wrath's face lit up.

"Yea!" he said, beaming.

"Okay then." Izumi said, a kind smile gracing her lips.

Meanwhile not to fare away Kimbley was trying to get to Scar, who was reading.

"I'll get him." Kimbley growled sneaking away.

His head however jerked back, for Martel had grabbed his rattail.

"For once just let an Ishbalan be at peace." she sighed.

"You're one to talk, beast."

Martel glared at Kimbley. If looks could kill, Martel would be the only person alive in the whole world.

"Go get yourself blown up for all I care." she hissed, "We won't miss you."

Greed sighed. They were always so uncivil to each other.

"Please just get along?" Dorochet asked, "Just for today?"

"**_NEVER!_**" Martel and Kimbley both yelled.

Dorochet winced.

"Hey Kimberly! Your jail called! They want their rat back!" The familiar voice of Roy Mustange yelled.

"Rat..." Kimberly- I mean Kimbley said, pulse marks appearing all over his head, "At least I'm not useless in the rain."

"Well I'm better than you."

"Pfft, no you're not."

And Dorochet, being so simple minded, let out a sujestion.

"Why don't you two fight to find out?" he asked.

Everyone looked at him like he was nuts.

"Not a bad idea." Roy said.

To be continued...

Flame vs. Crimsion! Who will win? You diside!


	7. Chapter 7

The votes are in!

Warning cuss words!

ch. 7

Because of the chances of Hughes getting killed, Greed was going to be the referee.

"Why? I'd rather be kissing a random woman than doing this." Greed groaned, "Hell, I'd rather be kissing Dante!"

"Stop whining." Roy said hotly, slipping on his gloves, "It was necessary for Lt. Colonel Hughes' safety."

Hughes sadly wasn't helping himself in terms of safety.

"Zolf, I have some advice for you." he said to Kimbley.

"What?" Kimbley asked.

"Get a wife."

"**_GOD DAMN IT! I DON'T NEED A FUCKING WIFE!_**"

"And have a kid!" Hughes added.

"**_I HATE KIDS! SAY ONE MORE THING AND YOU'RE GUTS WILL BE SPLATERING ON YOUR DAUGHTERS FACE!_**"

"The fight's getting started." Martel huffed, "Go die."

With Roy and Kimbley in position Greed got busy.

"The rules have been laid out!" he yelled, "You can't kill anyone! You don't kill your opponent, and you don't use them or the audience as bomb material!"

"That's no fun." Kimbley whined.

"You may how ever use the things around you to blow up, incinerate, yada yada, bla bla bla, and all that other crap."

Greed then turned around, and... ran.

"Now I suggest that you give them room!"

Roy moved first. Snapping his fingers, he set fire to where Kimbley was standing. But Kimbley dashed to the side and placed his hands on the sandy ground, an evil smirk on his face.

"Hey flamey!" he said loudly, "I just turned all the ground around me into a bomb..."

"Oh fuck..."

**_BOOOOOM!_**

And well Kimbley won in ten seconds. So yea. It took them a while to find Roy.

To be continued...

SEE! WRITERS BLOCK!


	8. Chapter 8

Okay. Next one up... finally.

Gluttony learns the truth about Envy and Kimbley gets a little too cocky. And Royia fluff!

ch. 8

Gluttony lumbered along the beach looking for something to eat, which is until he saw a flier half submerged in the sand. He picked it up and began to read it... YES, Gluttony can read... barely.

It read:

Beauty Contest

Taking place at the 'some word Gluttony can't understand' July 5th.

After that Gluttony could not read anymore, his head was starting to hurt. He then looked around and spotted Envy kicking sand at some person. He walked over.

"Envy!" Gluttony yelled.

"What?" Envy hissed.

"This flier says that a Beauty Contest is going to happen in... uh..." Gluttony lifted his hand up and curled all but one finger to his palm, he continued, "One week."

"Yea, and?" Envy asked folding his arms.

"I was thinking that you, Lust, and Sloth could enter."

Envy's jaw clinched and his eyes turned blood red.

"I am NOT a WOMAN you fatso!" he screamed.

Gluttony's eyes widened in shock.

"Oh my god! You're a man?" he asked in disbelief.

Flames sprung around Envy as his anger built up. He then grabbed Gluttony and threw him.

"**_WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK THAT, YOU F---ING MORON?_**" he screamed, throwing a fit that looked remarkably like one of Ed's short rants.

"At least he thought you looked pretty."

Envy turned.

"Oh well hi **Bradley**." he hissed sarcastically.

Bradley opened his eye and huffed.

"If you don't like being mistaken for a woman," he stated flatly, "then choose a more manly form."

"I wouldn't be as cute any more." Envy scoffed, "And what do you know about looks? You haven't been good looking for nine years."

"Actually ten as of today." Bradley stated proudly.

Envy sneered.

"Aw! So that's why the whole military is here." he said, "You're sixty today."

"Father!" Salem called happily, running over to his person of idolization.

"Well hello, Salem."

"Father, who is that lady?"

"**_I'M NOT A WOMAN YOU BRAT!_**" Envy screeched.

"Scary." Salem squeaked, ducking behind his father.

"**She** is no one important son." Bradley said, a playful look in his eye.

"I'll leave and pretend I didn't hear that." Envy hissed while walking away and purposely stepping on Fuery, whom was buried in the sand.

Riza scowled at this.

"You shouldn't have buried him, sir." she said flatly to Roy, "People might not see him."

"Oh Elizabeth." Roy said, calling Riza by her full name, "Don't call me sir. It's our day off." He then raised his left brow and said in a suggestive way; "Call me Roy."

"Really, Roy," Riza said, a blush on her face, "I feel that we should have a friendly relationship."

Bradley chose to pop up at this point.

"I say you should go for it, Lieutenant!" he said loudly, "It's not like staff relationships are not allowed!"

He then turned to Roy.

"And this is for you, Colonel!" Bradley handed Roy a bag, "Here, do you like melons?"

"Uh... Yes?"

Riza began to giggle uncontrollably.

"Good." Bradley said, walking away, "Enjoy yourself!"

Roy turned to Riza.

"And what are you laughing about?" he asked her.

"Me-Melons!" Riza choked out before falling over in hysterical laughter, "It's a-a t-term f-for a woman's breasts!"

Roy looked at her like she had just thrown away her gun.

While Roy felt out of place Kimbley was trying to control the Devil's Nest.

"Doggie!" Kimbley said loudly, snapping his fingers, "Get me a drink!"

Dorochet scooted away and hid behind Loa.

"No one can order me around." he squeaked, trembling.

"Doro!" Greed ordered, "Get me some booze!"

"Yes sir!" Dorochet said, standing up and heading to the snack shack.

"So much for the 'No one can order me around' statement." Loa sighed. Loa then looked over at Kimbley, who was staring at him. Loa stood up; "I think I'll get you some smokes boss."

"That would be nice." Greed cooed.

Kimbley snorted.

"Bido would get me something." he said.

"Well, he's not here." Martel hissed, "And he only does so because he lost his mind when he became part gecko."

Kimbley glanced at Martel and pointed at her.

"Get me something to drink, Fish Lips!"

Martel stiffened and looked over her shoulder.

Greed glanced over the rim of his shades.

"You're going to regret that." he said bluntly.

"Sure, I'll get you a drink." Martel hissed, standing and walking away.

Greed blinked, a look of confusion on his face.

"What the...?" he whispered.

Martel came back and handed Kimbley a glass of water.

As Kimbley drank Martel sat next to Greed. Her face had a sense of pride on it.

When Kimbley was done it became very clear why she looked so proud.

"You do know I got that water from a toilet," Martel said with an evil look, "that had not been flushed."

Kimbley turned as green as Envy's hair, then turned and ran off to throw-up.

Martel, feeling satisfied, wrapped her arms around Greed's shoulders.

"You're a sneaky snake aren't you?" Greed said, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Bustard got what he disserved." Martel mumbled.

"Sure did."

To be continued...


	9. Chapter 9

A pointless squabble takes place.

ch. 9

Havoc was feeling down. And if you knew him well you'd know why. Women... Plain and simple. Maybe it was because he smoked, or that he smelled of cigarettes, or perhaps it was because of Roy. But what ever the reason, he just couldn't keep a girlfriend. He had once gotten so close to finding the perfect woman. Catherine Armstrong...

-flashback-

Catherine grabbed her face, blushing feverishly.

"M-Mr. Havoc..." she said nervously, "You're exactly the kind of man I have imagined being with..."

Havoc looked pleased, but it was short lived.

"But with a more muscular physic."

Havoc head was promptly stabbed with the sword of failure.

"I'm sorry, but I only like strong men like my older brother."

At this comment Armstrong appeared behind his baby sister flexing his muscles.

-end flashback-

Havoc sulked on his hands and needs, feeling as though he was two thousand leagues under the sea.

"Why?" he nearly sobbed, "Why do I fail?"

"F-Fail at what?"

Oh god, was it her? Havoc scolded himself. Of course it was her, if Ed and Al could bring their teacher then Major Armstrong could bring...

"Oh nothing imported- I mean important, Miss Catherine."

Catherine blushed.

"Um, w-would you like to come over sit with me?" she asked.

"Wha?"

"My brother is busy and I'm feeling a little scared." Catherine said quickly but nervously, "So I was hoping that maybe you could sit with me?"

"You're scared?" Havoc asked in mild suprise.

"Well, yes." Catharine said sheepishly, "I mean there are so many odd people."

Havoc looked around.

Hughes was at the moment showing of pictures of his daughter to Greed, who looked completely uninterested, Izumi was making sandstone castles while Wrath pulverized them, and Kimbley was squabbling with Scar over a beach ball that was doomed to explode.

"I don't see anything odd." he said honestly.

Dr. Marco walked over to Scar and Kimbley, obviously trying to stop the fight, which was turning very dangerous. He snatched the ball away from them, but it soon exploded in his face.

"Really?" Catharine asked.

The fight soon attracted more attention, Basque Grand's attention.

"Maybe I should call my break off and kill you!" Scar snapped at Kimbley, throwing his hands into the air.

"Not before I kill you first!" Kimbley hollered, clapping his hands.

"Now, now you two." Marco said feverously, stepping between them, "Killing won't solve anything."

"I highly disagree, Crystal Alchemist." Grand said coolly, "I feel that it is necessary to do so when someone turns hostel."

Ed chose this moment to barge in.

"I encourage you to kill Grand, Scar!" he snapped, pointing at Grand, "Nina would still be alive and human if it wasn't for him!"

"I wasn't the one who killed her." Grand said, his calm tone remaining firm.

"You scared Tucker into turning her into a chimera!" Ed snapped back, "If you hadn't done that then Scar would never have killed her! In fact I think you did the same when Tucker used his wife!"

"Keep your short temper in check Fullmetal." Grand snapped, "It's not my fault he has no spine."

"**_WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICROSCOPIC PINT-SIZED BEAN WHO'S SO SMALL NOT EVEN THE MOST HIGHLY POWERED OF MICROSCOPES COULDN'T SEE HIM WITHOUT BLOWING UP FIRST AND EVEN A TINY BLACK ANT COULD STEP ON HIM AND SQUISH HIM EASILY!?"_**

"Brother..." Al said nervously, "Calm down."

Envy stared blankly at them, his hands on his hips.

"Really, I don't even squabble like that." He said.

"Not true." Gluttony said, "You and Greed did that all the time."

"**_WHO ASKED YOU?!_**" Envy screamed, tossing him in a fit of rage.

"**_THAT'S ENOUGH!_**" Hoenhiem bellowed.

Every one stopped and looked at him.

"Fighting never solves anything!" Hoenhiem continued, "All of you. Sit down and take a time out!"

"And why shou--" Edward started, but Hoenhiem cut him off.

"Now." he hissed, a flame of burning rage flaring around him.

Everyone, being utterly terrified obeyed him.

Havoc turned back to Catherine.

"Yup." he replied, "It's always like this."

To be continued...


End file.
